{"id":180,"date":"2024-12-11T10:00:57","date_gmt":"2024-12-11T10:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/?p=180"},"modified":"2025-01-21T15:22:39","modified_gmt":"2025-01-21T15:22:39","slug":"where-do-i-begin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/2024\/12\/11\/where-do-i-begin\/","title":{"rendered":"Where do I begin?"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Christmas break is just around the corner, and along with anticipation of the feasting, presents, celebrations, joy and sparkle, I confess I feel a bit exhausted at the mere thought of it all. Alongside the nourishment and joy I get from connection with loved ones, I have a strong need for solitude, peace and quiet, and at this time of year they can be hard to find. This can lead to me feeling angry and resentful and being short tempered, irritable and sometimes plain horrid to those I love the most.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For me, this is a sure sign that I have let my boundaries slip and need to put some effort into working out what I need and how to get it.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Establishing, communicating, and holding healthy boundaries is vital in maintaining respectful, healthy relationships and individual wellbeing. They\u2019re the invisible lines that separate our physical, emotional and mental space from others \u2013 they establish where we begin and end. I love how Kristen Neff describes boundaries as a form of \u2018fierce self-compassion\u2019 which place limits on the amount of time and energy we give to others. When we don\u2019t have healthy boundaries we can lose sight of our own needs, we can take on the feelings or opinions of others and we can feel uncomfortable or even unsafe in our environment.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Setting boundaries can feel really hard and takes effort and practice (if it was easy we\u2019d all have done it by now!). We often dread upsetting others or getting into conflict and it can seem so much easier in the moment to neglect our own needs \u2013 this might look like trying to keep on top of work by checking emails over the holidays; saying yes to social events when we really, really want to say no; or keeping quiet when we feel hurt by other people\u2019s actions. These small \u2018boundary violations\u2019 add up over time and can lead to unhappiness, exhaustion and burnout. When we have healthy boundaries we have mutually respectful relationships, feel safer and calmer and are more able to thrive at work and at home.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Setting boundaries requires:<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Self-Awareness<\/span><\/b>: Understanding your values, needs, limits, and what makes you uncomfortable.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Communication<\/span><\/b>: Clearly and assertively expressing your boundaries to others. Use \"I\" statements to convey your needs without blaming others.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Consistency<\/span><\/b>: Maintaining your boundaries consistently to reinforce their importance.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Flexibility<\/span><\/b>: Being willing to adjust your boundaries as you and others grow and change, but ensure they still protect your well-being.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    There are plenty of resources to help you get started:<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    If you want to develop your self-awareness and explore your values and needs alongside a trained coach, submit a request here: <\/span>The University of Bath coaching service for staff<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

    To explore more about self-compassion and how to develop it start here: <\/span>Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    If you need a little help developing assertive communications skills this workshop is for you: <\/span>Assertiveness skills workshop<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    For tips on how to say no, try this article: <\/span>The Polite Refusal: How to Say No Without Offending Anyone<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Here\u2019s wishing you a joyful and nourishing break and a healthy start to 2025.<\/span><\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Kate Elliott, Coaching Psychologist and OD Consultant\u00a0<\/a>, Workforce Development<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    The Christmas break is just around the corner, and along with anticipation of the feasting, presents, celebrations, joy and sparkle, I confess I feel a bit exhausted at the mere thought of it all. Alongside the nourishment and joy I...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1726,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kate-elliott"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1726"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=180"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/180\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=180"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=180"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=180"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}