{"id":37,"date":"2022-10-05T12:00:57","date_gmt":"2022-10-05T11:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/?p=37"},"modified":"2023-05-15T11:17:22","modified_gmt":"2023-05-15T10:17:22","slug":"what-would-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/2022\/10\/05\/what-would-help\/","title":{"rendered":"What would help?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Waking up in the night worrying about your team members; not delegating work because \u2018they\u2019ve got enough on their plate, and it\u2019ll be quicker if I just do it myself\u2019; planning to get an important paper written and finding you\u2019ve spent all of your day trying to solve other peoples\u2019 problems; feeling exhausted and overwhelmed ALL THE TIME. Do any of these sound familiar?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In their compassionate and practical book, Burnout<\/a>\u00b9<\/span>, Emily & Amelia Nagoski use the phrase \u2018human giver syndrome\u2019 to describe a way of being where we expend all our energy on giving to others, meeting others\u2019 needs, solving others\u2019 problems and rarely, if ever, attending to our own needs. They link these behaviours to increasing rates of burnout<\/a>\u00b2<\/span>, and to feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And yet we know that autonomy (the need to direct our own life and work) and competence are crucial for our motivation, and therefore that failing to empower staff undermines their motivation, their self-efficacy (their belief in their ability), their performance and their wellbeing\u00b3.<\/span> Sometimes, as leaders, \u2018we help most by not helping'\u2074.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, what can we do about it, how do we stop ourselves leaping in to solve other people\u2019s problems, all the while increasing our own stress levels and reducing other people\u2019s self-efficacy, motivation and empowerment?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Give this a try: next time you notice yourself leaning in, ready to suggest a solution, ready to ask what you can do to help: use the STOP<\/span> technique5<\/sup>:<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

S \u2013 stop whatever you are doing, pause<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

T - take one long, deep breath\u00a0<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

O \u2013 observe what is happening, how you feel, what you are doing<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

P \u2013 consciously choose how to proceed\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

And instead of asking what you can do or suggesting a solution, try using this powerful coaching question which builds accountability, awareness and action:<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What would help?<\/span><\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Kate Elliott<\/span><\/a> Learning and OD Manager, Workforce Development Team, Department of Human Resources
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

To find out more about using a coaching approach: <\/span>Development Toolkit: Coaching (e-learning)<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To request a coach for yourself: <\/span>The University of Bath coaching service for staff<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Leadership Conversations : Managing Your Energy Not Your Time<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Foot note<\/em>:<\/p>\n

\u00b9<\/span>Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2020).\u202f<\/span><\/span>Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle<\/span><\/span>. Ballantine Books. <\/span><\/span>burnout (burnoutbook.net)<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00b2<\/span><\/span>2022 Pulse of Talent: Competing for talent takes more than pay | Ceridian<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

\u00b3<\/span>Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being.\u202f<\/span><\/span>American Psychologist, 55<\/span><\/span>(1), 68\u201378<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2074<\/span>Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2005).\u202f<\/span><\/span>Resonant leadership: Renewing yourself and connecting with others through mindfulness, hope, and compassion<\/span><\/span>. Harvard Business School Press.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

5<\/sup><\/span>STOP Technique PDF (thewellnesssociety.org)<\/span><\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Waking up in the night worrying about your team members; not delegating work because \u2018they\u2019ve got enough on their plate, and it\u2019ll be quicker if I just do it myself\u2019; planning to get an important paper written and finding you\u2019ve...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1726,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kate-elliott"],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1726"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bath.ac.uk\/changing-ourselves\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}