I'll not be going to COP26 in Glasgow in November but here's some advice for those who are:<\/p>\n
\u2013 \u00a0<\/strong>You'll be drinking lots of beer to help you get through the tedious hangings around that accompany all such meetings. \u00a0You should learn something about the language used for and about beer in Scotland as it is likely to be more arcane than where you come from. \u00a0Here's a handy\u00a0guide<\/a> for the novice.<\/p>\n \u2013 \u00a0<\/strong>Billy Connolly is an expert on all things Glaswegian and so I recommend you spend a few days listening or watching everything he ever said. \u00a0You could usefully start here<\/a> with his personal experience of the \"excellence\" of the Scottish education system, and the part that the Lewis Bridal Song<\/a> played in his musical education. \u00a0Trigger warning: you might find it funny.<\/p>\n \u2013<\/strong>\u00a0 For a complementary (and much less musical) view of a Glasgow upbringing, try\u00a0Douglas Stuart's debut novel, Shuggie Bain<\/a>, which won the 2020 Booker Prize<\/a>. \u00a0And\/or you could\u00a0read the three Laidlaw books<\/a> by William McIlvanney for their insights into Glasgow's gangland culture. \u00a0If you've only time for one, then read The Papers of Tony Veitch<\/em>. \u00a0As Alan Massie notes, Glasgow is one of the main characters in these novels.<\/p>\n \u2013 \u00a0<\/strong>Glasgow is a football city so buy yourself a Rangers tartan scarf<\/a> and a Celtic snood<\/a> and wear them on alternate days. \u00a0That way you'll keep warm (remember it's November) and show yourself au fait<\/em> with the cultural sensibilities of the city. \u00a0If you're there on a match day, wear both; no one will mind.<\/p>\n \u2013 \u00a0<\/strong>Whether you get there by train or you've committed COPSINONE (arriving by air), spend time in the magnificent Central Station<\/a>. \u00a0In Britain's 100 Best Railway Stations<\/i> by Simon Jenkins, the station was one of only ten to be awarded five stars. \u00a0While you're there, if you have an urge to escape the city \/ conference \/ tedium, you might travel to Wemyss Bay whose station is even more awesomely 5*. \u00a0The journey takes about 50 minutes. \u00a0Stay for lunch at one of its many fine eateries<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u2013 \u00a0<\/strong>Hire a kilt for all those formal COP events and dinners you'll be going to; better still, wear one all the time so you blend in with the locals. \u00a0Just search online for an outfitter, but do it now as 30,000 other people will be doing this as well.<\/p>\n \u2013 \u00a0<\/strong>The Glasgow accent can be difficult to understand, or so non-Glaswegians slanderously say, but don't fret as there are lots of websites offering guides and translators. \u00a0And this is a guide<\/a> to commonly heard\u00a0phrases and sayings in the fair city. \u00a0You might find it helpful in reading Shuggie Bain. \u00a0If you yourself find you can't be understood, just do what the English have done for centuries: speak slowly and loudly whilst maintaining an air of studied condescension.<\/p>\n