My Experience as an Estranged Student

When I first came to university, I was in low contact with my parents. It wasn't easy but I thought I could manage the complicated relationship until graduation. I never imagined as I started my third year, I'd become officially estranged. It was the hardest but also most freeing decision I've ever made. Although I was really scared and stressed, I'm proud of myself for taking the steps to build a safer and more stable life.

How I Found Support

I first learnt about the term "estranged student" from a member of the student support team. At the time, I completely brushed the idea off. I thought, I can't do that. I didn't have the money to live on my own and I worried that declaring estrangement would mean that I couldn't talk to my two younger sisters anymore. I had no idea what support was available to me and what estrangement entailed.

The Student Support Advisor I was speaking to set up a meeting with the Student Retention and Success (SRS) team so I could ask any questions I had. They guided me through the support that is available and what my next steps could be. The SRS team supports estranged students at the university. When I came to them they explained everything to me with so much understanding and care. Crucially to me, they didn't pressure me to make one decision or the other - it was up to me.

What Being an Estranged Student Actually Means

Estrangement, as assessed by Student Finance England (SFE), generally means being permanently estranged from both parents or your only living parent for a significant period, usually at least 12 months. During this time, you will not have had any written or verbal contact with either parent, and this situation is unlikely to change.

While the typical timeframe is 12 months, both SRS and SFE will consider individual circumstances, so please reach out if you’re unsure. For some people, estrangement happens suddenly; for others, it develops gradually.

It’s important to emphasise that estrangement can occur for many different reasons, and every one of them is valid. All estranged students deserve compassion, practical support, and understanding.

The Support that Made the Difference

I didn't realise how much support existed until I needed it. Here are some of the things that helped me out:

Accommodation Help

• Two weeks of emergency university accommodation when I needed a safe place to stay
• Guaranteed place in university accommodation throughout my degree (all year round!)
• Help with moving and storing my belongings between moves
• Guarantor scheme - life-saving when there's no one else to sign for you and paying a large amount upfront just isn't feasible
• A 25% discount on summer accommodation

Financial Support

• Estranged Student Bursary: £1,000 per academic year, plus £1,000 to help with start-up costs in first year and further £1,000 upon graduation.
• Discretionary Student Support Fund (DSSF): The DSSF is part of the University of Bath’s financial support framework for UK Home undergraduate students who started their studies between 2012 and 2023. It provides additional support for students with a household income under £25,000. For estranged students, financial assessments by the SFE are based solely on the student's own household income rather than their parents’ income. This is because estrangement is considered an irreconcilable situation, meaning the student has no contact with either parent and this is unlikely to change. Please have a look at the university website to see if you are eligible for anything.
• Guidance from Student Money Advice: free, non-judgemental financial support from a team who can help you manage your money at university and understand all the options available to you.
•  Receive the maximum maintenance loan: you become eligible for this once you are officially recognised as an estranged student by Student Finance England.

(And a tip: always ask what's available, ask if you can apply even if you're not sure. You never know until you ask!)

Wellbeing and Community

• Access fast-tracked support from the university’s free wellbeing and support services when you need it, once you’ve built trust and confidence to seek help.
• University-run socials for estranged students, including a Christmas Day meal (with presents!)
• Other social opportunities: Sharing details of other social opportunities. For example, All of Us, a community for estranged and care-experienced students who organise meet ups across the UK all the time. I went to a few near me and it was my first time meeting people who I knew went through similar experiences - I felt less alone in my estrangement and met some lovely people!
• Job ads: I got my Outreach Ambassador Job for the uni through a job advertisement from the SRS team!

These things didn't just support me, they made all the difference. They reminded me that I wasn't going through everything alone. I know it is difficult to talk about it, but disclosing your estrangement or discussing its possibility before coming to or at uni will open so many doors for you.

Finding My Place in Bath

I worked a lot over the summer. Partly because I needed the money, and partly because after estrangement, I needed to feel connected. I threw myself into the community: volunteering, campus jobs and events, societies (especially BULB!).  Getting involved helped me build a solid network and support system. I've met so many people and made such good friends, for whom I am very grateful.

I have also learnt to ask for help without guilt. Everyone needs a helping hand once in a while, and as an estranged student you might need more than one. Don't feel that you have to tough it out by yourself- the support systems exist for people like us.

Thinking About the Future

Being an estranged student is hard. If you are one, I'm proud of you for getting this far. Getting a degree and probably working without the traditional safety net of parents takes an immense amount of strength and perseverance. The good news is that there is a great deal of help available to you and you can get through this.

With all the struggles that I faced leading up to my estrangement, I can actually say that I feel like the best version of myself now. I'm more open, more social and more in control of my life. I have dreams for a future I never could have pictured while still having contact with my parents. I hope to get into a PhD program, travel around Europe, and keep taking piano lessons. Most of all, I want to build a secure and happy life for myself and the people I love.

To my chosen family: thank you for being here with me, I couldn't do it without you.

And to anyone reading this who's unsure whether they can make it through estrangement:

You can. You are not alone. And there are so many people who want to help you.

Enjoy your time at uni, build your life how you want it to be, and be kind to yourself.