In a press release today 11 02 14, the South West Office for Strictures and Control on Food and Fodder ( Ofscoff ) [1] ordered the confiscation of marmalade illicitly produced by unqualified persons at an unregistered site in Bath. A spokesperson for Ofscoff, Prof Lucy Ashton, said …
“This marmalade must be tracked down, rounded up, taken out and moved on as it breaches all norms and expectations in relation to preserves (seville-type [orange]) [2] in that:
[a] actual seville oranges have been used rather than those approved by Ofscoff under its British Limits on Bitterness [BLOB ] regulations
[b] the oranges have failed to disintegrate in the proper way during the cooking, and can still be recognised in the jar, as oranges
[b] it's not on Ofscoff's approved colour spectrum, as it is far too orange
[c] it exceeds Ofscoff expectations in that it actually tastes of marmalade
Prorf Ashton conceded that the last point was not strictly a contravention of norm, expectation (or regulation), but she added
“Clearly whilst some taste is regretably permissable, this preserve does not conform to the spirit of Quasi-Seville orange marmalade-production today in that Ofscoff’s standard residual taste per segment of orange quotient has been grossly exceeded”.
What made matters worse, Ashton said, was that people actually seemed to enjoy it, adding:
“It is in no one’s interests to have food available that people like. Suppose everyone wanted that kind of food? Where would we be then? Ofscoff is on alert, and these irresponsible people should not think that they will get away with it. We have inspectors combing the region as we speak. We are watching markets and corner shops; they need not think that they can remain undetected”.
ENDS ……………..
Note for Editors
[1] Ofscoff’s remit is to establish minimum food standards for animals and people, and make sure that these are never exceeded.
[2] It must be assumed that unapproved Seville oranges were used, and/or a process employed not licensed under the government’s 2004 Taste Laws which were agreed by Parliament after socially-deprived children had been found actually enjoying food.
Responses
This is just a joy, Bill. Deeply subversive. I love it.