In a bold move today, the government has announced plans to nationalise all England's golf courses and open them up for housing development. A spokesperson for the newly merged government DEpartment For Golf, Housing Innovation and Justice (DEFGHIJ), Dx Sandy McTarry-Dougal (he/she/hers/his), explained that golf courses were ideal locations for mixed housing development as infrastructure (roads, utilities, comms, etc) was already in place, they were usually beautifully landscaped areas, and most already had lakes, woodland, wildlife areas, sports facilities and pubs, with sand pits for the kiddies.
Dx McTarry-Dougal said that the government expected next to no opposition for this obviously progressive and socially-just move which was an excellent example of building back better and levelling up, adding that compensation would be paid in the form of vouchers to be used at convenience stores and on Deliveroo and Amazon. McTarry-Dougal also confirmed that the whole of DEFGHIJ would be moving to Royal Lytham St Annes later in the year.
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