The government announced today that access to energy within the UK would be rationed from the beginning of May. The Hon Dr Alex Blair-McPherson-Ali (she/him/they/etc), a spokesperson for the newly created Ministry for Using LEss Stuff – MULES [1] – said that as energy was now so expensive the costs raised questions of social justice. As such, it was now policy that everyone legally present in the country would be limited to the same number of kilowatt hours per week as everyone else. [2]
Asked how many that was, Dr Blair-McPherson-Ali said that this was still being worked out by the Access and Supply (Knowledge Re-organisation) Executive Group [ ASK REG ] which would report to Ministers by June – or maybe October.
When it was pointed out that rationing only usually took place where there were actual shortages of supply in the market, Blair-McPherson-Ali replied that whilst that was certainly normally the case, the government was going ahead because it enabled a second policy objective – the reduction in the country's use of greenhouse gases – arguing that “rationing has been neglected as a climate change mitigation policy option”, as recently had been noted in the journal Ethics, Policy & Environment.
When asked if there were any countries in the world where such a radical approach (ie, creating artificial shortages) had been tried, Blair-McPherson-Ali said no, but this merely demonstrated the government's progressive credentials, adding that the policy would be extended to food as soon as OFSCOFF [3] had been consulted about the most expensive and socially disruptive way to do this.
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Note for Editors:
[1] MULES will be working closely with DONKEYS: the Department of New Knowledge in Engaging Youth Services, to use young people as undercover whistleblowers for this policy shift.
[2] This restriction would not apply to government ministers and party members, or to others deemed particularly socially important as determined by the government's Vital Energy Needs & Allowances Licensing (VENAL) arrangements.
[3] OFSCOFF is the independent government Office for Strictures and Control on Fodder and Food. Its remit is to establish minimum food standards for animals and people, and to make sure that these are never exceeded.
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