Author: Zina Abdulla Research Programme in Architecture in the Department of Architecture and Civil Engineering
I am one of the oldest in the PhD office, bringing along two very energetic boys to the PhD group. My normal day starts with dropping the boys off at school, going into the 4ES research hub on the 5th floor and then heading out to pick them up from school, take them to clubs after school, get in a martial arts session myself (for my sanity), then home for food and sleep. Wake up and do it all again. I am also the PGR Champion for one of the research centres in the faculty, which is a part-time job.
The number of times I have been asked “Zina, how do you do it all?” with puzzled faces of people who can barely keep things together even though they only have themselves to worry about, always amazes me.
This does not make me a superhuman in any way, it does however make me a doer. With a “Just do it!” mindset. Yes, I just used the Nike slogan, but I don’t have time to come up with my own.
This isn’t my first time around studying with extra responsibilities, I did my master's in Nottingham in Environmental design with a teething, night screaming one year old. The program director and our main tutor had a child roughly the same age of mine. So, luckily, he appreciated my efforts and never made me feel bad. If anything, he would use me as an example of hard work and dedication. Which made me feel confident and proud.
So why a PhD? And why Bath? I work in Academia in Iraq, in the dept of Architecture in a University in Baghdad. Since my Masters I have been an assistant lecturer and if I want to advance in my career in any way, a PhD is required. But I have a family, 2 boys and a very supporting husband who has always pushed me and told me I can achieve anything. I applied to Bath after seeing a PhD position which interested me, and the University needs no introduction. I looked up the city and turns out, it is one of the best places to raise a family in the UK! It has the best schools with very high standards. So, I kept my fingers crossed. I got accepted and it was all falling into place. My boys loved Bath, and adapted much faster than I did, as do all children. They managed to find friends and go on playdates within the first few weeks, again faster than I did. Bath is a lovely, welcoming, diverse city. It’s small and safe so no need to worry about safety. It’s perfect for a family.
Starting the PhD, the first shock was realizing how young everyone else was. I was older, a mother, felt a bit like a dinosaur. Then the infamous PhD imposter syndrome kicked in. But as time went by, I noticed there were many advantages to my age. I was mature enough to deal with the stress and responsibility of a PhD. I am grounded and cannot afford uncertainty which helped in committing to the research. I can make my own decisions and work independently. I ended up being the person my peers sought advice from. Which was also the case in my master's.
How do I do it? I think not having the luxury to waste time puts you in a mentality where you have to achieve goals within certain time frames. Am I doing as well as the best students? Maybe, maybe not. But that is alright. Research is a struggle for everyone, kids, or no kids. So, you are not alone.
Being a mature student has also allowed my supervisor to trust my decisions. On day one Dima told me she’ll be treating me more like a colleague than a student, and that has been working great! She has been supportive in every way, never pressuring me and trusting that I will deliver. Keeping my confidence levels high saying I have the experience needed. I do hope I meet all her expectations, so far so good!
Bad days?? Of course! I have needed to cancel several days of plans and meetings because one of my boys will wake up with that occasional upset tummy and wreak havoc on my whole week. But that could happen to anyone, you can fall sick, and you can have emergencies. It does not mean you are less than anyone else. You learn to accept it and work through it. People are kind and understanding in most cases. And everyone in the University is great. Reschedule when you need to, cancel or let them know you can’t make it, they will understand.
Watching the rest of the students, I don’t think it is easy for them either. So, if you are thinking of doing research with children at Bath, with an extra set of responsibilities, you CAN do it.
Good days? Definitely. Having my friends wanting to start families during their PhDs, saying that I have inspired them! Makes me feel like I am definitely doing something right! The journey is not over yet, but I am hoping all will be well. And I will have achieved my dream degree and raised a family! Win, win.
I am grateful my boys have the opportunity to live in a different country, and experience a different culture and way of life. And this will broaden their perspective on life as they grow older. It is definitely a plus for them. As it is for me.
So, in a nutshell, it’s not easy, but a PhD is not supposed to be! Any child would be lucky to grow up in a city like Bath. If you can be the reason they do, you should be proud.
Respond
