In a press release dated 30th July 2012, the Office for Strictures and Control on Food and Fodder ( Ofscoff ) [1] ordered the confiscation of strawberry jam recently and illicitly produced by unqualified persons at an unregistered site somewhere in the Bath area. A spokesperson for Ofscoff, Dr Isabella McTarry-Wilson, said
"This jam must be tracked down, rounded up, and eliminated. It breaches all norms and expectations in relation to jam (strawberry-type [red]) [2] in that:
[a] the number of strawberries used per pot exceeds the Ofscoff norm
[b] it contains the wrong sort of berries for this sort of normalised jam-type food; they are much too large
[c] the berries have failed to disintegrate in the proper way during the cooking, and can still be recognised as berries in the jar
[d] when opened and applied to bread, the jam fails to run off in the designated internationally-approved fashion, or drip onto tables and trousers according to regulation
[e] the jam actually tastes of strawberries".
Dr McTarry-Wilson conceded that the last point was not strictly a contravention of norm, expectation (or regulation), but she added
"Clearly whilst some taste is regretably permissable, this jam does not conform to the spirit of strawberry jam making today in that Ofscoff's standard residual taste per berry quotient has been grossly exceeded".
What made matters worse, McTarry-Wilson said, was that people actually seemed to enjoy it, adding:
"It is in no one's interests to have food available that people like. Suppose everyone wanted that kind of food? Where would we be then? Ofscoff is on high alert, and these irresponsible people should not think that they will get away with it. We have inspectors combing the region as we speak. We are watching markets and corner shops; they need not think that they can escape".
ENDS .................
Editor's note
[1] Ofscoff’s remit is to establish minimum food standards for animals and people, and make sure that these are not exceeded.
[2] It must be assumed that unapproved strawberries were used, and/or a process employed not licensed under the last government's 2004 Taste Laws which were rushed through Parliament after socially-deprived children had been discovered actually enjoying food.
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