New Ofscoff battle against rogue cucumbers

Posted in: Comment, News and Updates

I have written about the malign influence of Ofscoff [1], the independent government Office for Strictures and Control on Fodder and Food, before.  Yesterday, it was forced to issue an abject apology to supermarkets.

Offscoff's Director of Diminishing Expectations, Dr Cuddie Headrigg, was forced to apologise to the big 4 supermarkets following reports of cucumbers in the Trowbridge area that were good to eat.  The vegetables in question, which were grown on unapproved allotments, failed to conform to Ofscoff's new taste guidance [Order in Council 18/456/a/345b] that specify maximum appreciation levels in consumer feedback.  As a supermarket spokesperson, Dr Caleb Balderstone (Director of Taste Minimisation at AsCoBury's), noted: “Suppose everyone wanted vegetables like this, where would we be then?”
A spokesperson for the West Wiltshire Green Usually Means Being Against Almost Everything You Can Think Of Alliance, Hon Prof Jock MacJock MBE – who first reported the cucumbers to Trading Standards – said it was obvious that the cucumbers were GM.  "You can't just can't get cucumbers that taste as good (that is, as bad) as these that have been grown by traditional methods.  It's not possible.  These people (sorry, cucumbers) need eliminating."
Note: Ofscoff’s remit is to establish minimum food standards for animals and people, and make sure that these are never exceeded.

Posted in: Comment, News and Updates


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